


I'm not a house, not yet an elf

by freakydeakykhaleesi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freakydeakykhaleesi/pseuds/freakydeakykhaleesi
Summary: Much requested
Relationships: Dobby/Albus Dumbledore, Dobby/Bellatrix Black Lestrange, Dobby/Hermione Granger
Comments: 1





	I'm not a house, not yet an elf

Chapter 1: Big Fat Bass

Dumbledore slowly walked away in his boring robe, leaving Bellatrix, in her red leather jacket, tight jeans, and usual pineapple hair to guard the horcruxes. I watched from a distance, vaguely aroused. Now is my moment. I turned and made out with Hermione and grabbed one of her boobs before turning and walking away, still groping at her breast as I made my way to my apartment. Hermione followed eagerly, and I slapped her, for she was greedily laying on the bed, taking up most of it with her fat ass, she whickered and fell of the bed, I turned over and went to sleep. My plot, slowly forming in my head. The next day I awoke groggily to find Ms. Granger stark naked at the end of MY BED.

"Well, well, well, what have we here dahling?" I intoned, grumpily, flicking my waist length pale hair with scraggles out of my face, then I heard a knock at the door.

I realized it was Lucius Malfoy come to collect my sock. I whickered and shut Hermione in the closet (just where she was before I converted her to polyamory! HAHA) then got ready and answered the door.

POV: Lucius Malfoy

I opened the door, and what a sight met my eyes, a rather beautiful house elf lying naked in the "draw me like one of your French girls" pose, I immediately got an erection in my pants and my nipples stood on end.

"I see you're here to collect my sock dahling" he teased "I know what you’re thinking, 'I’ll forget about the sock for now if only he will let me make hot, passive love-sex at him"

He looked so hot (like a male version of the muggle artist Britney Spears)

POV: Hermione  
I peeked through the slits in the closet. I could see Dobby lying on the bed, his round ass turned towards me, gyrating with anticipation of the sex he was about to receive, no doubt in his anus.  
They commenced the coital activities, and I bristled everywhere with envy.

POV Bellatrix  
I knew I was supposed to be looking after the horcruxes, but I was so hungry. Honeydukes sweet shop was only 10 minutes broom-ride from my current location.

"Now listen here you insolent slytheress, you will not leave the horcruxes unattended. I'll not have you fraternising with the death eaters like earlier this week."

I heard Dumbledore’s voice from moments ago in my head, warning me. But I craved Bertie Bott’s every flavour beans in me. Before I knew it, I was flying over the Bob McClane Memorial Forest and looking up at the welcoming, magical, tasty luminescence of the Honeydukes sign. Slamming the door open, I rammed my way past the lesser patrons; mine was an urgent hunger - theirs could wait. I stood at the front counter, panting with need.

"BERTIE BOTTS BEANNSS!"

The woman behind the counter said nought to my plea. This would not do.

"I demand your tender succulent beans of berttieflesh." I grabbed my own full beans for emphasis.

"Now listen here Elvira, there are limits to my servitude." Said the Honeydukes employee, who I now recognised as Doris Umbridge. 

Realising that I would not receive what I had due, I sprung athletically over the countertop with the grace of a thousand hippogriffs, landing softly. The deep fryer was now visible, sweet sweet berttieflesh was to be flavourful. I leaped towards my destiny. My god given right, those crispy beans within my grasp. Diving my arm into the bucket of beans, I reached into the magically enhanced depths and grabbed bean after bean, shoving the goods under my arms, betwixt my breasts, behind my ear, under my chin, in my hair, and down my pants - screaming impatiently as I went.

POV: Hermione Granger

I couldn't believe Dobby broke his promise to me. "No more trading sex for goods and services" I had told him, and what had he done? Why, only allowed Lucius Malfoy access to his anus for a mere sock. His ass was supposed to be mine, and mine alone. I drowned my sorrows in the Honeyduke’s pureed chicken smoothie. I wiped the tears out of my eyes to clear my blurred vision and noticed for the first time a portly figure attempting to mount the counter-top.

She clambered effort-fully for several laborious minutes before summiting and dropping awkwardly over the other side. I watched as she, after picking herself back up and catching her breath, made her way over to the bean bucket and plunged in, feasting on the magical beans. It occurred to me the woman seemed familiar.

That hair - so alike a pineapple. Those hips - so suited to child bearing. That skin - white as the seven of clubs. This was the woman for whom Dobby lusted. I knew what I must do to regain my lover's favour - capture this gothic concubine and present her to my lord, unmolested.

Dobby POV

I sat completely nude, legs spread beyond recognition. My sensual fold puckered at the cool breeze as it danced across my sweaty, heaving, underbosom.

"Hermionee!" I bellowed high, "Where's my god damn fried chicken puree smoothie?"

She had been many moons with this latest task in a long string of tasks of which she demonstrated a certain lack of urgency and a largeness of bosom that indicated to me that she had not once bore child to this plane.

Lucius Malfoy had just departed, leaving his thick gooey remnants but taking with him a debt - for I had just moments before misaligned my finishing thrusts, and instead of fondling his balls (pendulous though they were) in a rare moment of post orgasmic affection, I violently thrust not just my fist - but my entire leg, up his timid anus. And moments later, removing myself without due delicacy resulting in a stage 3 anal prolapse.

Bellatrix POV

The bertie bott’s every flavour beans satisfied my lust for beans, but did nothing to assuage my guilt for leaving the horcruxes alone, unguarded, and no doubt already ridden with lice. I smack my lips as I finish off the last sticky morsel of sweet sweet berttieflesh, just as the guilt washes over me. In a incendio of shame, I swipe my arm across the counter before me, scattering hundreds score beans across the floor and ricocheting off the walls.

Just as I turned to leave, I felt an unexpected and unwelcome collision betwixt the back of my head and an unknown object - though I strongly suspected 'twasno more than 11cm in length, of maple and dragon heartstring construction, and travelling at naught less than 4 parsecs in velocity. I let loose a long, baying whicker as my womanflesh met the floor - to rippling effect upon this nubile gothstress and to devestating effect upon my psyche - as it dawned on me, that my assailant was most likely Dumbledore himself. Come to exact revenge upon me, no doubt, for my many (and recent) transgressions, not least of all the incident now known as the 'The Brown Tide" in which the cabinet in the room of requirement I had been using as a toilet finally reached its limit - and began leaking fecus into the chamber of secrets. I thought this as my world turned (back) to black.

Hermione POV

The impact shook me to my core and resonated throughout my modest collection of breasts (pert though they were). The she-goth fell upon the floor with a sickening slap akin to a reducto spells being cast on a congregation of goblins. I had hit her - she who is most valuable to my lover’s plot. Dobby would surely fig me thoroughly!

I looked around, and one by one the patrons of Honeydukes averted their eyes in submission, except one – Doris Umbridge. She stared, her eyes sparkling with intensity, as if to challenge my authority. Sweat dripped from my brow and into my eyes as I met her gaze.

I could tell there was more to this Honeydukes employee - who had served me so many bertie botts every flavour beans over the years. Thousands of boxes, and probably twice that of smoothies, yet never had we understood each other until now. I broke eye contact to look down at Dobby’s still unconscious emo concubine. Grabbing her by her convenient pineapple hair, I dragged her out the door - noting that with each step a bean jostled free of some crevice or other and fell upon the floor like a sad sad birth. I must needs take my captive home before the moon turns.

POV Dobby

I hungered greatly, not only for that sweet nutritious fried chicken puree smoothie, but for recompense - Hermione had caused me great turmoil these past few hours. Just as I reached for my owl to send her yet another intimidating letter, the door opened.

"I found her! I did-" Hermione began, dragging behind her the now conscious and writhing form of Bellatrix Lestrange. 

"AM I TO BELIEVE YOU – HERMIONE GRANGER - CAPTURED THE LUSTY GOTH EMOSTRESS ALL BY YOURSELF?" I intoned in exasperation. I had been waiting far too long for my precious Honeydukes to be pleased with this unexpected offering. Though I would never tell Hermione, I was impressed with my simpleton lovers initiative - perhaps this latest conquest would prove useful in the trials to come.

POV Bellatrix

I woke up to find myself Bertie bott’s every flavour bean-less. Rage burned within me, and gooshflesh arose upon my left breast. For hours I felt myself dragged over varying terrain, not daring to open my eyes lest they fall upon the dissaproving expression of Dumbledore. I simply let myself be taken back to Hogwarts - knowing the punishments awaiting me, I could already feel the crucio curses.

At last the friction ceased. We had arrived. I opened my eyes without enthusiasm, expecting to regard the interior of Dumbledore’s office, and was shocked when what a sight met my eyes: a rather beautiful house elf lying on the bed before me in withered eagle position.

"Finally. How are you my sweet fizzing whizzbee? Would you object to me investigating your chocolate frog?" He intoned, flickering my eyelashes with glee.

I reached my wand towards his face, croaking out a desperate plea for beans.

"Oh, how greedy of me. You must needs have time to feed - to roost. My queries can wait." This strange house elf seemed to be addressing me. He must be my captor.. how erotic. Dumbledore would be most displeased.


End file.
